now things had past, i can only say that i'm glad that i did not drag it any longer. and also i had seen through things that i can't during the relationship. i'm super agree with the phrase 'love is blind' now lol. you ask me why did we break up? lemme tell you. i'm the driver, the bank, the kitchen, the mum, the dad, the best friend, the teacher, and the gf. 9 in 1 ok. i drive him everywhere, pick him up every single time we hang out, lend (or give) him money whenever he is broke and pay for (almost every) meal/date, buy him clothes whenever i see nice ones, spending more than half of my money during traveling buying things for him, cook and prepare breakfasts during high school time and wake up 4am in the morning to prepare/cook and i'm not even kidding. well if you ask me do i feel tired/annoyed/sad/being treated badly, my answer will be no. i feel it's my job, and also i enjoyed doing them tbh. but the problem is, he doesn't appreciate. or maybe it's my problem. he's too used to everything i give in, which makes him think that it's actually normal to be treated like this.
when you give in so much in a relationship and not getting back even half of it, how would you think? it's not like i expect 100% back or ask for a lot, but it's just weird not getting back anything after giving so much. you ask me why did not i left him earlier? it's just because i loved him and i can tolerate. slowly, i do not ask for anything anymore, i just wanted him to love me, be honest, and make me happy, that's all. was that difficult? i don't really know. but thats not as difficult as what i'm doing.
time flies, and people changes. i see changes in him, which was quite difficult to deal with in the beginning, but we got over all the difficulties and still got back together. it's just because we still love each other, and we want to be together. but now, i'm sorry, i can't make it anymore. i cannot tolerate anymore lies, anymore cold replies, anymore every bullshits. i guess, it's time to believe that our heart is getting tired already.
i stop quarreling on details, stop asking if you're happy/sad, hungry/full, tired/energetic, doing homework/sleeping. stop texting you 24/7, stop calling, stop talking, stop kissing, stop hugging, stop calling you names, or maybe stop loving. it's time, i thought.
it'd been a month ever since we're apart, and surprisingly. i only cried twice. the first time was a few nights after the break up, i can't sleep and started being emotional, and cried. the second time was after i find out what was the meaning of his bunch of numbers in his whatsapp status. lol. i'm doing good, even better than i expected. maybe it's because i'm ready, ready to give up to this relationship. for me, it's not the end, it's just a new start of another chapter.
