good morning, it's now 8.34am here in Taiwan. i just done my morning service education. in case you don't know what is it, service education is basically cleaning up the school. all freshman have to do it and it's compulsory for you to graduate. everyone will be divided in groups of (?) people, and different groups will clean different area. i'm cleaning the track & field and the surrounding. it's divided to 3 sessions, morning (7.30-8am), afternoon (12.45-1.15pm) and evening (5.30-6pm). and everyone have to do it trice each week. to whichever time you are asked to. mine was Wednesday morning & evening and Thrusday morning. so i just one my morning sessions and i'm now back in my dorm. wanted to sleep back but couldn't sleep. so i had to do something before my class starts at 1.30pm!
today is the 7th of October, two more days and i'm already here in Taiwan for a month! time flies, i really does. and the number 7 hits me, real hard. if you know me, you should know what 7 means to me. we're apart for nearly 5 months. and if things didn't went like this, we're gonna be celebrating our 3 years anniversary together next month today! no, don't take me wrong. i'm not 'missing' those times together or whatever. i just felt like what a waste to spend so much time on relationship that ended up like this. yes, you'll probably say that good things take time, or you'll find a better person, or you have to go through rounds of heart breaks to meet your true love. i just think that if we both just calm down a little, or maybe appreciate each other a little, or try harder for once more, things will probably work. but so what if i'm trying when he's not? he's already madly in love with another girl since a year ago, what do i expect? ; why? isn't love a beautiful thing? why would people cheat? why would people just won't appreciate love and since when love became so complicated, where everyone started to be afraid of it, started to stop believing on it, or started not to give any of it?
scrolling through pictures of us makes me think, how can he fall in love with another girl but still can be calm af, happy af, cute af in front of me? it just doesn't make sense. for the past one year, what was he thinking? i mean like, how did he pretended like no shit happen? how can he spend time with me and do not feel one bit of guilty? how can he just spend so much time with me, taking cute couple pictures, doing couple stuffs, spend time with each other's parents and grandparents during cny, or even go to bed together. it terrifies me that for so long, there's already another girl in his heart, but still spend time with me for so long. using me for so long. what on earth is going on?
you don't like me, that's fine. tell me and i'll set you free. because no point crying over split milk. it's not like i will kidnap you. why lie? why won't you just tell me the truth, and set both of us free? why do you make me seems so pathetic and made me look like i'm hanging around a guy that obviously doesn't love me anymore (at least for his classmates, thats how they think) but still willing to tolerate. fml, like seriously. i hated everything dedicated to you. seeing them hurts me. i even hated myself. for being a brainless bitch. i really do.
i am not crying for sympathy, no. i'm just expressing my feeling which will make me feel better in a public space without disturbing anyone personally. this is how i use my social media(s) so deal with it, or else fuck off. i'm hungry, bye.
